Kaya Warren (wyrdangelique) wrote,
Kaya Warren

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"You Eat Funny"

I know I "eat funny." My diet seems indecipherable. It's not paleo, but resembles paleo. There's stuff I can't eat that is considered "healthy." I know how high you raise your eyebrow when I say I can't eat that apple. The post I just shared a few minutes ago about restaurant staff serving people something they asked not to be served inspired me to open up a little bit, and maybe explain. Skip if you think I'm just a "picky, whiny white girl."

I love food, and if it were up to me, I would just eat everything.

I am downright, absolutely, acutely allergic to pineapple and pistachios. I love both of those things, but somewhere along the line, my body decided that it does not love them. My mouth/tongue/throat will swell.

I'm allergic to aspartame. 1 can of diet soda shuts down all nerve function to my feet. Do not five me diet anything. It is not a joke.

I am hypersensitive to caffeine. If I drink 1, regular, caffeinated beverage after 2PM, I won't sleep again until the following night. If I drink an energy drink at 8am, I'll be lucky if I sleep that night. If I drink 2 energy drinks in 24 hours, my heart will start racing, and the panic attacks will begin.

I am gluten, soy, and lactose intolerant. These foods will make me feel run-down, heavy, and tummy-sick. They make it hard to poop. Recently I discovered that overdoing it on them will make me throw up, too. Gotta love the human body. Dairy also makes me overproduce mucous, so if I eat a lot of dairy, I get phelmmy, and my ears start to get plugged up. I'm always clearning my throat and asking "what?" and I know people must find it obnoxious, but I really can't help it.

I have a reaction to sugar and high fructose corn syrup like the leader of the friendly sharks in Finding Nemo had to the smell of blood. If I get just a little bit of it, I start to fiend. I can eat a whole plate of cookies, and never get queasy. I can eat a "for sharing" icecream dish by myself without even thinking about it. The part of my brain that tells me to stop eating sweets literally doesn't function. I can't remember if that's a symptom on insulin resistance or not.

I am trying to lose weight. My body will not do that if I eat more than 20 grams of carbs a day, or any of the afore-mentioned items. I need to lose weight because I am about 120lbs overweight (shut up, I am, I'm not just being mean), and there are complications that come with behing overweight that I am tired of living with now that I don't have to. Right now, I'm sticking with a few select things that will help facilitate that process. I'm trying very, very hard to shed some baby weight and fit back into normal clothes again. I fell off the wagon last Thursday, and it felt horrible. It felt so horrible this time that it actually scared me straight. Usually, I fall off the wagon, and I just kinda roll around under it while being tossed around under the wheels, but not this time.

I think that about covers it. I think. I dunno. I don't mind talking with people about my diet as long as they actually care about it, and aren't just asking because they think of me as some kind of freak show.

I have purple hair. Ask me about that, instead.

-The Wyrd One
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